I am thankful I can laugh when I should not

I must admit, I have never really understood vandals and vandalism. What joy do you get from mindless destruction of the property of others?

Whatever. We all are subjected to it.

Usually, I just find it annoying, obnoxious, and idiotic. But today, I have to admit I found it funny.

Taking my life in my hands, I entered a public restroom and there, on the wall someone had written a phrase we all need to have in our lives with far more frequency:

"Wonder Twin powers activate!"

Now, what wonder twin powers this individual was using in the bathroom I do not know...nor do I have any desire to know. Nor do I particularly care to hear how they activated them.

And I know I shouldn't laugh...but for whatever reason, I did. The only reason I can come up with for not laughing is simple; I neglected to activate my wonder twin powers.

Does your finger go the other way too?

Every. Single. day.

Walk in kitchen turn out the light over the stove. Does not really matter what time it is...it gets left on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week unless I turn it out. Same for the back porch light. And the front porch light. And the hall light. And the bathroom fan.

And the dryer door is always open unless I close it. About half the time, the garage light is on as well.

Bread is left open, so it is constantly drying out.

Noodles are cooked, two bited and then left on the counter. Cereal bowls are almost always about 3/4 full of cereal and milk.


At this time of year, I am just thankful that I learned how to be economical and considerate of others, because I do none of these things.

Which is something I cannot say for certain people I live with.

Just ayin'

It must be time for...another pointless childhood memory!

When I was growing up, there was a certain synergy between a lot of my friendships and those of my parents.

For example, my friend Billy and I often went fishing with our dads. Dad and Lee were good friends who fished together, worked together on the long-haul trucks, and had a friendship that, despite whatever difficulties came along, was always there.

Billy and I played baseball and basketball together, hung out a lot along with a third friend, Kyle.

Kyle's Mom and Dad were great friends with my mom and dad. They went golfing together, we all went on picnics together, played softball together with the Scotts, and of course spent years together in the Gloryland Way (formerly known as Panorama, after Mom died and Dad retired from teh group as His Song) singing group.

Dad and Greg (Kyle's Dad) were of course very good friends and, being friends, sometimes went with one another to events that one greatly enjoyed and the other enjoyed much less. Which led to the first basketball game I ever saw live.

Kyle, Billy and I were all huge Trailblazer fans, as was Greg. Dad has always been one of those guys who could take it or leave it, but who enjoyed listening to the occasional game. He just never was interested enough to do anything crazy like, you know, purchase tickets to a game. Just not in his blood.

Well, somehow, some way, some tickets were procured. That is far more difficult than it sounds. The Blazers at the time played in the memorial Coliseum, which seated 13,600 and some odd people. It was sold out for over a decade. Tickets were at a premium, all but unobtainable, and certainly not to the casual fan.

If, and this is a big if, I remember correctly, Greg won the tickets, a 4-pack, in some contest.

Regardless, we somehow, some way got four tickets...except it was not actually to the Coliseum. No, it was to watch the game on closed circuit big screen at the Paramount Theatre.

I do not remember too much if anything about the game itself...who they played, or even for sure if they won. I think they did, but that could be just looking back through rose city colored glasses.

I do remember the horrific half time "entertainment" where they rolled out two rickety mobile baskets and had some sort of contest with them.

And I do remember Dad being all excited and Greg too, watching the game, having a good time, just as Kyle and I were having a similarly great time watching a game that, frankly, we did not really comprehend.

I have no idea why the memory stays with me. I guess because it was something super cool I got to do with my Dad and my best friend (I should point out at this point that there are at least 9 people who count as my "best friend", though the Goose is my bestest best friend) that was a very special night.

And you thought I was kidding in the title when I said it was pointless :-)

Welcome to Thanksgiving Week

In theory, this week would be the one where people express the most gratitude. And I do, indeed, know many people who, while regularly already fairly grateful, do up there level of thankfulness.

It is a pretty full week; yesterday we had our "extended" family Thanksgiving with the nephews, cousins, friends, etc. Thursday will spend plenteous time at Dad's place, Friday at my brothers, and probably be right back out there Saturday.

I feel blessed that, even with my better half out of town (insert sad face here) I am still surrounded by family and friends...so surrounded that time with other treasured friends are getting short-changed (if not this Tuesday then certainly next, RK).

So why, in a week where people will "celebrate" Thanksgiving (many by gluttonous eating and copious consumption of alcohol) and follow it with the heaviest shopping day of the year for Greedmas...err, Christmas, are people seeming so cranky overall?

Yes! The title is where it belongs!

I know you were all following the tournament moment by grueling moment. Who would make the next great play? Who would out-smart their opponent and bring home the trophy?

And now we know.

It was an American. By the time the final two players were the only ones left standing, we knew it would be.

What a great day! Wave the flag! Sing the National Anthem! Let your national pride be heard, for once more the World Champion is from our great nation.

I just knew on that last throw that Tim Bulkin was going to throw Rock...good thing Tim Conrad covered him with paper to become the 2009 Rock-Paper-Scissors Champion.

Just how a professional makes a living in a "sport" where the grand prize is 7000 dollars I am not sure. Why they have separate "professional" and "amateur" divisions is also something I am unsure of.

Oh, well. At least it wasn't chess-boxing.

So, uh...do you know what "ordained" means?

The borderline false concept of ordination is already something to be approached with caution. It is a shaky principle propounded by people more interested in having control over people's spiritual lives that God did not grant.

With that said, it is a very popular concept in the religious world. The process of ordaining implies a spiritual authority that "laypeople" do not have (never mind that according to Peter, EVERY Christian is a priest and it is therefore not possible to have laypeople).

So the following Craigslist posting is all the more funny:



Looking to be Ordained (Vancouver/PDX)

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Date: 2009-11-18, 9:20PM PST
Reply to:
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my husband and I are looking to be ordained. Non-religiously, or interfaith. As we are mixed faiths and want to serve all faiths. Need to be ordained with certificate to get moving with our type of business. Not sure where to go?


•Location: Vancouver/PDX
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests





Ooooooookay. So you want to have a ceremony saying you are authorized to be a religious leader...but you want it to be non-religious.

I think the line about it being a business says a lot.

Even the most cursory reading of Scripture speaks quite plainly about the purpose of TRUE religion; visiting widows and orphans, seeking the lost, following the Scriptural precepts.

Nowhere in there is it referred to as a business.

Quite the opposite. Jesus, when driving out the moneychangers from the temple, said the house of God was NOT to be a place of business.

So the preposterous idea that people want to be ordained and do not care if it is non-religiously, they just want to move on with their business speaks volumes about the ridiculous state of religion in the United States today.

I will take one Chuck Haukaas, struggling to put food on the table but seeking to help those in need spiritually, over a million clowns like these above. I will take one Karl, struggling with health and mental issues but trying to do the best he can to live according to the Scripture than two billion clowns like these.

Get some principles, you chowder heads.

Sadly, I suspect someone will indeed "ordain" them and they will pursue their business. I hope nobody I know ever uses them.

When is Christmas?

When you grow up rich in family but poor in wealth, you learn to appreciate things.

Holiday meals with loved ones. Even if the meal is "just" ham. Watching old 35mm films. Some years, the smell of sugar cookies, fudge, peanut brittle and such when we could afford them.

Most years we got maybe one or two small things. No big deal, It was great every year around Christmas because Mom and Dad always made it special.

Later on we had some "better" Christmases where the material things were in more abundance...I actually thought it was over the top the year I got a bow AND a remote control car...loved them both.

Anyway, we always were grateful for what we got because we knew it was a sacrifice for Mom and Dad to get expensive stuff (yes, to me 20 bucks was...and is...expensive).

I really think the best parts of Christmas were decorating the tree as a family, taking turns putting up our ornaments...we actually had monogrammed Winnie the Pooh ornaments, too.

But even in the best of times, out "haul" never matched that of some of my friends who routinely got a few hundred dollars worth of stuff...Atari gaming systems, for example...

Never minded a bit. They had more coin that our family, and it did not bother me. If I got stuff, great. If not, I knew enough to know it did not matter.. I did not want Mom and Dad hawking stuff or getting in debt so we could have some expensive gifts.


All of which means it irritates me all the much more to hear leeches already discussing their Christmas demands, with things like new bikes and hundred dollar gift cards and so forth...and knowing they not only expect those things, but will be exceedingly angry if they do not get them.

First off, Christmas should be a warm, loving time of sharing. Second, gifts, particularly multiple expensive ones, are a privilege, not a right.

If whatever Kennedys are left breathing choose to give their kids a Ferrari...more power to them. They have the type of bank account to justify that. I do not envy them or resent them for that.

But people who struggle to pay their bills, maybe they should rethink shelling out hundreds of dollars for stuff. Learn to be content.

I do remember a few gifts I got over the years that were, to me, spectacular. But I remember far more moments of sharing in the love and familial atmosphere and, truth be told, treasure those far more.

Learn responsibility, people. Furthermore, learn reality. If you have problems trying to find something to eat because a loaf of bread is about what you can afford, maybe expecting a thousand dollar Christmas is like A Christmas Carol; a fun little fantasy, but keep it in your head.

And certainly do not be rolling out that list 2 weeks before Thanksgiving.

Whagtever You Like

Great news! Coming next year, new cd from the dude I think we can all agree without fear of hyperbole is the greatest musical artist of all time.

"..the underwear at Goodwill is nice" might be the greatest phrase in the entire English language, too.







and a special gift...a Weird Al two-fer! If only I had even the faintest clue who the Charles Nelson reilly dude is or what song he is crushing.

At times I wonder

Sometimes we make choices that, when made, seem rather innocuous. There are clear threads of good running from them.

yes at some point, the thread starts to unwind, the unraveling that follows causes destruction in ways an places that lead us to wonder how we reached such a state.

I know this is nebulous, but it is meaningful and heartfelt as well.

I am dealing with a very personal frustration. It stemmed from a desire to put in force one of those "win-win" situations where people I cared about would be helped even as it helped those who were doing the helping.

And like so much of life, it backfired and did so tremendously.

Things have reached a ridiculous state of epidemic proportions.


I find myself forced into a position of defending someone or something I completely disagree with. I find myself in a position where no matter what path I take it will only result in hurt feelings, anger, disappointment, and hardship.


I wonder if the Good Samaritan Laws will get me off the hook if...never mind. Will not even say that thing because, though I find it funny, others would not get the joke.

So frustrated. No right answer. Only bad ones. Unlike my friend Junior Woodchuckette, I am ecstatic it is rainy and cloudy .Fits the situation perfectly.

I tried to pull the trigger tonight on doing the thing I guess I am supposed to do, but could not. Which means the situation will be worse on the other end. And that is even worse...or is it?

I remember one time talking about someone who married the wrong person and saying I wished the person in question would divorce the other person, even though I was glad it would never happen because it could not happen and have this person still be the person I looked up to.

Now I am in the same boat. If I do what others think needs done, it will be what needs done but will wreck me. And if I do not, it will wreck the vital relationship with the person I need to do it for.

Wow. How does someone who would float through life doing nothing get in such deep sewer?